Racing Tea Parties
by nairiefairie
Summary: The Mad-Hatter's tea party race. if things weren't crazy enough he thought they'd have a race with everybody! guest staring maximum, HP, and a few more..... yes i am concerned about my sanity...


Disclaimer: I don't known I refuse to admit writing, it wasn't me!!!

(rita I wouldn't touch this one if I was you, back out now before it's too late)

It was one of those particular days, where the most unlikely of things happened. Well unlikely wasn't a word you would normally associate with the wacky world known as wonderland. So needless to say Alice was only mildly surprised when the Mad-Hatter had invited abnormally, unusual guests to his tea party. And by abnormal, is to say they were not of the 2D dimension. Alice sat, terrified. She had never laid eyes on such a creature.

He sat straightening out his perfectly straight top, in a fury of, well… a Mad-Hatter.

There was the typical guest, March Hare and the hostage Door Mouse. Alice had often thought of letting the mouse out of the teapot but feared he would end up in the biscuit jar instead and it would be a terrible pity to chuck out chocolate chip cookies, so Mouse stayed put.

The odd man across the table looked as if the table itself would swallow him whole.

"Monk has issues." Said the bored woman sitting by his side. "Germs or something. His friend was telling me. I thought babysitting the detective would be easy but I tell yah, Max Shefflied's kids were easier." Fran Fine, laughed her unique way. Alice cringed, god was that sounded awful. How did anyone stand that?

In all honesty Alice could possible handle those two, it was the strange guys in the tights that had her concerned and not to mention blushing. They claimed to be masked superheros. But wearing undies on the outside felt more like a zero. Superman and batman, Alice wondered who was more mentally deranged, the guy with the undies or the one who's a caveman.

Alice decided to avoid eye contact with the pair, her eyes glazing past the fat bald man, stuffing his face with one hand and the other trying to strangle his son.

Her eyes stopped on Peter Pan.

Alice froze giving the Mad-Hatter a curious look, what was with the flying men in tights?

She leaned over to March Hare.

"Did I miss something while I was off chasing the white rabbit?"

The teapot lid lifted, a tiny nose poked out. "Yes, you did, Mr Hatter…" March Hare slammed the lid closed, poor little Door mouse squeaked.

"Rude." Hare snapped. "The Mad-Hatter has a big plan in mind. A flying race. Just wait to see who's still to come."

"Then why is Monk, Fran and half the Simpson's here?"

Hare laughed. "Easy, Monk is here to solve the case of the missing sugar and Fran is his minder for now." Hare's voice dropped to a whisper. "Don't tell, it was me." He winked. " And the Simpson's are here for a free feed. They weren't even invited."

The last two seats were filled. One by the most famous of wizards, Harry Potter. The other the mutant freak Maximum Ride, the winged kid.

"Huh." Alice stirred her tea anti-clockwise. They weren't allowed to stir clockwise, for time was still considered to be murdered here.

"And how is he going to time the race."

Alice groaned standing up, for the changing of places. If only they could stay in one seat.

March Hare now yelled across from the left-hand side. "By how many tea cups he can drink, how else?" He laughed merrily to himself.

Alice was about to snuggle down into her chair when they were call to move places again, dam it.

Mad- Hatter called for the flyers to stand on the table. "My dear, avian friends, I give you a challenge, to steal to Queen of Hearts tarts. Now fly my pretties, fly!"

Alice stood in awe as they took off. Batman pulled on random strings and took off next to Superman, who stuck his fist in the air and launched a punch into the air. Harry stuck a broom between his legs, as Alice wondered how uncomfortable his trip was going to be. Peter thought of happy thought, yes the chocolate cookies at the end while Max snapped out her feathery wings. They took off out of sight. Alice looked to the Hatter.

"How are we going to watch the race from here?"

The Mad Hatter grinned.

"I had the magic man do some hocus pocus and we can see it all in our tea cups."

"Well." Alice smiled brightly. "What a fine party this is turning out to be."

The race was on. Batman and Superman were in the lead, in front at least but they didn't know where the Queen's castle was so they together decided to get some advice. They stopped at the forest finding a stripped cat in a tree dozing. They woke him, for help.

His golden eye shone in the sunlight, he smiled in a way they had never seen before. " well some people go this way," He flicked his tail to the right, " and some people go this way," he indicated to the left, " But I go this way." he jumped to the ground lifting the hedge, reviling a shortcut. The hero's, the idiots they are, took it, no questions asked and walked right out into the middle of the desert. Superman looked at Batman as a roadrunner flew past.

"We're not in Kansas anymore." Batman joked.

"Let me guess, your going to drop a house on my head?"

"Nope." He laughed seeing their doom, " But he is!" Right then the coyote dropped a piano on the pair of them.

Alice looked up from her tea cup to change places, a wicked gleam in her eyes. This was one hell of a race. Fran laughed, "oh, that's got to hurt, ha ha."

"Spider pig, spider pig." Homer started to humming while Bart dropped a cockroach in his drink. "Oh look, the channel changed all by it's self."

They all looked down into the tea cups to watch the next scene.

Peter sneaked across the hall. Unlike the others he had a child like talent for getting in where he wasn't wanted. Shadow had helped of course, undoing the lock but the rest was up to him. He dropped to all fours crawling across the floor, he stole way into the Queens parlour. While she sat talking over people he reached up and stole the tarts. Slowly and silently he crept out the same way he came in.

Laughing, he skipped merrily across the lawn, unaware of the sudden blow about to hit his head.

Peter Pan lay unconscious in the grass. Harry, picked up the tarts, guilt written on his face.

"Grow some balls, Potter. It's survival of the fittest."

"Yeah, I guess. Fifty, fifty." Harry handed her half of the tarts.

"Thanks kiddo, couldn't done it without you." Maximum patted poor Peter's head. "Well? Are we racing or what?" She grinned taking off, her wing beating up into the sky. Harry quick on her tail.

"Well, I guess we'll see who makes it here first." The Mad-Hatter grinned. In a matter of seconds Max landed heavily on the table.

"Where are your tarts?" March Hare cried.

She shrugged. "I got hungry."

Next to arrive was Potter, with the tarts.

"NO!" Cried Hare.

The Mad Hatter laughed wickedly.

"Yes, you owe me, six sugar cubes."

"Six!!"

Monk wiped his shirt again. "Plus the four, he already stole."

"NO!!"

Alice sighed, maybe chasing the white rabbit was a better way to waste her day.

The end

AN. I think tomorrow when the vodka has cleared I might lived to regret putting this up. I blame this on my co-author Tabby-cat who is possible drunker then I. I am so very sorry, feel free to flame I know it's bad, lol


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